


My heart beats for you

by myfreckledconstellations



Category: Attack on Titan, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alive Marco Bott, Armin Arlert - Freeform, Connie Springer - Freeform, Eren Jaeger - Freeform, Levi Ackerman - Freeform, M/M, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein-centric, Multi, POV Marco Bott, Petra Ral - Freeform, Sasha Braus - Freeform, Support Group AU, annie leonhardt - Freeform, aot - Freeform, attack on titan - Freeform, cancer au, jean kirstein - Freeform, jeanmarco, jeanmarco au, literally everyone in snk - Freeform, mikasa ackerman - Freeform, reiner braun - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform, sick jean kirstein, sick marco bodt, snk, snk cancer au, someones probably gonna die, springles - Freeform, ymir reiss, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2427512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myfreckledconstellations/pseuds/myfreckledconstellations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In this (yet another) jeanmarco AU is in which that Jean Kirstein is an 18 year old freshman in college with stage 2 Heart cancer, he finds himself entangled with a scrappy little support group in the church of Trost, Maria. In the journey of a year, he makes odd and irritating cancer filled friends, minus Eren, whom is a cancer filled idiot which Jean hates. Jean becomes increasingly tolerant to his fuck of a life, that is until a new, the lovable part alive and part slowly dying Marco Bott, enters the picture perfect routine, sending Jean's feels (and yours) all over the fucking galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Who Are You?

**6 years, 8 months, 24 days.**

That's how long it's been since I was first diagnosed with heart cancer. ( _Cardio Angiosarcomas_ if we're being specific.)

Hi, my name is Jean Kirstein, I'm 18, and am currently a cancer filled freshman in college. My life has pretty much been a routine since the day the doctors in the ER told me that I have a shitty heart. Since then, I've been 'encouraged' by my doctors and mother to attend the  _Cancer Survivor Support Group_ , which is basically a young cancer ridden adult daycare held every Wednesday at 7:00 pm in the _Trost City Church_. Now unfortunately, I have to enjoy my forced 3 hour social time with 7 other people, 8 if you count our group director, Petra Ral. Petra is a 32 year old woman with short orange hair, and a pretty little smile despite losing both her breasts to breast cancer about a year ago. My other happy group members are made up of:

-Connie Springer, He's 18 and has skin cancer, he's really annoying to say the least.

-Sasha Blause (Connie's equally annoying girlfriend with the appetite of a whale), she's 18 and has lung cancer.

-Eren. Fucking. Jaeger. Mr.Jaeger is probably one of THE most annoying people I think I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. This suicidal bastard is 18, with brain cancer. (may God bless you by never having to meet this boy)

-Bertholdt Hoover, 19 years old, VERY tall. Bertl suffers from cancer in his bones, at the moment, the cancer is dormant in his right arm, making it hard for him to write and function, so he gets the help of his boyfriend, Reiner Braun, when it comes to that stuff. Other than that, he's probably the luckier of the majority of us.

-Armin Arlert, oh God this poor kid. Armin is only a little younger than i am, 17, but only by a few months. He's probably among the quieter and sweeter of the group, despite having Leukemia, that is. Armin is among the few that I really pity in the group, seeing that he had grown up with Eren, he's way too nice for that idiot.

-Ymir Reiss, 20 years old, Heart Cancer just like mine. It's kind of nice to have someone in the group with the same problem as me, having someone who understands what it's like to be terrified of breaking anymore heartstrings is really great.

And finally, 

-Annie Leonhardt, 18, long time friends with Bertholdt and his boyfriend Reiner. Annie is paralyzed waist down due to a special case of nerve cancer, it's pretty sad really, I wish her the best everyday.

Being surrounded by these idiots for three hours is both torturing and humiliating, so you could see why I wasn't too excited once Wednesday came around once again (fuck you Earth and your repetitive weekdays). I finished getting dressed for the group, stuck my phone and wallet in my satchel and combed my hair.

_**Sexy as usual, Jean.**  _I'd tell myself, **_Oh stop it Jean._  **I'd snicker back at myself, then trot downstairs to the living room, just catching my mom as she'd finish up the parent paperwork that Petra needed from us for the trip this year, I believe Petra said that the group was going to Shiganshina in Maria this year, to relax and let back a bit. 

"Ready to go JeanBo?" my mom spoke encouragingly, pulling her hair back into a ponytail with her floral scrunchy, letting the loose strand of her hair fall forward naturally. 

"Yeah," I replied with a sigh, "and I told you to stop calling my that! I'm not a little kid anymore..." I sneered and turned to leave.

"Well, maybe I wouldn't call you that if you didn't act like a child." she grumbled, pulling out her car keys and tossing them to me, "You know when to be back, dinner is in the fridge for you when you get home, I'll be asleep so just stick it in the microwave. Have fun sweetheart, I love you!" she continued, but i only muttered a "yeah yeah" and left without another word, letting the scowl on my face form darkly as I got into the car and drove away. 

* * *

 

The church is like, a 20 minutes drive, and if I'm lucky it's 15 minutes if I don't catch any traffic. This was not one of those times. I stayed in traffic for a good 15 minutes, then had another 15 minute drive before I got to the church, due to a car crash slowing down the roads. 30 minutes late, I growled, parking and slamming my door shut then locking it.

_At least that's 30 minutes I don't have to spend with my miserable companions._ I thought positively and marched upstairs, slowing down and shoving my hands in my pockets as I approached closer to the group's room. I didn't knock, but simply opened the door and apologized for my lateness once being greeted by Petra's eyes, alongside the stares of the others.

"Hi Jean!" she beamed as I passed over the papers to her and took my spot between Annie and Ymir, "We were just going over introductions." 

_' Introductions? But we only do that when we have someone new...or when someone has a change in their condition.'_ I thought to myself. Surprise, we got both. Turns out that Bertholdt got some use back of his arm and has been able to write sloppy letters, better than nothing I suppose, he seemed pretty happy about it. Good for him.

We went down the circle, talking about our updates, about our issues and fears before introducing the new guy (once he got back from the restroom that is). I was mid-sentence when the door creaked open to alert us of a visitor. I stopped and looked up, watching the figure enter the room. 

"Everyone, this is Marco." Petra stopped me, gesturing to the man standing next to her. He was tall, not as tall as Bertholdt (then again, _who is_ _?_ ), but still tall, maybe 5'10" at best. He had midnight dark hair that parted in the middle, styled with an undercut. His jaw was square but soft, his button nose and cheeks covered in freckles, which were, from what I assume, the result of too much sun time and a bad case of the chemo. His eyes were chocolate brown, and he smiled, though his thick eyebrows made him look more worried then happy. He waved to us and we all said hello before Petra asked Ymir to make room for him, seeing that there was no way in hell you could get Eren ( whom sits next to Ymir, between her and Armin ) to move. So it was left to freckes #1 and I, to get freckles #2 a spot to sit so that King Dumbass could stay comfy. We managed.

"Marco, would you like to tell us a little about yourself?" Petra encouraged with a soft smile, but he only blushed and stood once again.

"Ah.. uhm, well where to begin... Well, my name is Marco Bott, I'm 19 and I was diagnosed with a special case of nerve cancer about 2 years ago, slowly paralyzing the right half of my body. And as you can see, the cancer decided it liked my right arm more than I did." He chuckled, gathering a small interval of laughter from the group, he smiled awkwardly and continued, "But..I actually had a checkup last year, and according to the doctor, the cancer stopped spreading. And since then, every checkup has been clear. No signs of any spreading." he smiled, and sat back down. When he was finished we all clapped, _especially_ Annie, whom was ecstatic to find that someone else has the same terrifying cancer she does. _  
_

"That's great Marco! A whole year of being cancer free..." Petra smiled happily, "That's kind of like Jean now that I think about it. Jean? How long did you say the spreading's been dormant?" she queued me and I blinked a few times absent mindlessly, trying to remember how long it had been. 8 months, I think it was? 9 if you include this month, then again, this month isn't over yet, I could spread at any moment. 

"8 and a 1/2 months so far, 9 if I'm lucky." I said with a breathy laugh, then reset back to my scowl. Petra smiled pitifully, making my heart fall through the floor, i hated it when I was pitied. If you wanna pity anything, pity my cancer for getting assigned to such a intolerant body, damn thing won't give up. 

* * *

 

The rest of the time passed on pretty tirelessly, mainly filled with Connie and Sasha complaining that the usual food table was empty, Eren's irritating "heroic attitude" ( _as if that's even possible for him to have_ ), and finally, ending with the interruption of Ymir's nurse, Krista Lens. Krista is a petite blonde girl, probably only 18, in training for her doctorate in cancer studies and minor in the human body. (According to Ymir, Krista was allowed to graduate highschool early to go to medical school, focusing only on the cancer and biological problems of the body. And as training, she got put with Ymir as her first patient.)

Krista gets along great with everyone, and it seems that Eren really took a liking to her, but any time he tries to flirt, Ymir snarls at him and threatens to put his life to rest so that the cancer doesn't have to work as hard to get through his thick head. Krista would do her usual job as she ignored Eren's flirting, focusing on Ymir as Ymir would be as friendly as humanly possible with this girl. I'm pretty sure Ymir looks at Krista like a freaking G _oddess,_ cause she goes unto no end to make this girl as happy as possible, making her blush and smile brightly at every opportunity, making it  _painfully_  obvious how much chemistry they have, and how Eren is so dense that he'd think he has a chance with her. _Yah_ , it's not cute. 

Despite the usual irritating comments from Eren, this session wasn't a _total_   Hiroshima ( that's a saying... _right_? Nope, that's just a bad metaphor that may or may not offend. ). I make a note to myself that Hiroshima metaphors are a no, and with that, the sessions ends. I gathered my satchel and jacket, and stood, stretching my back, cracking it a little in the process. I let out a sigh of relief and straightened myself back out before being approached by Armin and Bertholdt. 

"Hey Jean!" Armin said softly with a smile.

"How are you?" Bertholdt followed up. 

"Better than most, I suppose." I said, cracking my neck. "and you guys?"

"We're doing good!~ " Bertholdt replied happily, "So, we all talked about it before of the session, and we were wondering if you'd be on board with throwing a ' _Welcome To The Group'_ party for Marco?" he smiled excitingly.

I thought about it for a moment, staring at them blankly. Oh yah...they did that for me too. It was a more of a pity party really rather than a welcoming party, filled with welcome letters and a " _Welcome to the Ward"_ joke card from Ymir. The only joke about it though, was the lame attempt at a funny ' _Sorry you got cancer'_   comment. Punchline  _not_ recieved, thank you  _very_ much Hallmark. 

"Sure." I agreed, throwing on my jacket before resting the satchel strap on my shoulder. "Sounds like fun."

I could practically  _hear_  their smiles widen, with excitement. 

"Really?!" Armin cheered, "That's great!

"It's gonna be at Marco's house at 7:00 pm, next Wednesday." Bertholdt chimed in.

_Next Wednesday?_

"But doesn't conflict with the session?" I asked, furrowing my brow. Not that I really cared if the group got cancelled for a day, I just really hate being bored at home on a day that I'm usually spending being bored elsewhere.  _Atmosphere is important, my friends._

"We decided to hold the group at his house that day. We're gonna have a cake and eat it during the session, some people are bringing small gifts too, but it's not required." Armin said awkwardly, then scratched at the back of his neck. 

"Talk to Marco about the address, get his number too if you have any questions." Bertholdt finished then checked his phone as it chimed, letting him know he had a new message, "I gotta go, Reiner is here. see you guys later, lets go Armin." he smiled, then waved goodbye and headed downstairs along with a few others, asking Armin where his house was again so that they could drop him off. 

I turned around to leave, running into someone as I did.  _Surprise, surprise._ It was Marco.

"Ah- sorry man." I apologized. But he only turned and smiled at me happily. 

"No worries....Jean? Was it?" He wondered and my heart stopped for a split second at the way he said my name, pronouncing I with a slight french flare, rather than taking a guess and calling me John, or Jean, I actually got a  _Jayn_ once, true story. 

I nodded awkwardly, composing into an intense " _don't fuck with me"_ aura, once again. 

"Oh yeah, hey Marco, can I have your number?" I asked right away, pulling out my smartphone and handing it to him to enter his number, "I need to get your address for the next weeks group meeting." 

He waited a moment, hesitant to take the item from my hands. But he did, and entered his number quickly, handing it back to me cautiously like it would shatter if he held it any longer. 

"Cool, I'll text you then." I said confidently, throwing him a smirk to show him that ' _no, my face is not permanently set on scowl.'_ then waved my goodbye.

* * *

The drive home was just as bad as the drive to, filled with traffic and wrecks. Makes you wonder how anyone even got their licences in this town when all they seem to be doing is getting into crashes. But, I did eventually make it back home. I parked out front, announcing my arrival as I entered my home, then yelling to my mom from the kitchen that I'd be in my room. I grabbed a snack from the pantry and headed upstairs to my room, dropping my satchel by the bed as I did, climbing into bed immediately after. I pulled out my phone and opened up the coke I grabbed from downstairs.

"Marco, eh?" I thought to myself as I unlocked my phone, and opened up my texts, creating a new one with Marco's name written _all_ over it.

I wondered for a moment what to say, I mean, what kind of a texter _is_ Marco anyways? Did he send smileys? Does he curse? Does he use good grammar?

Eventually I gave up wondering and went for something a little more at home. 

**To: Marco**

**Hey Marco, It's Jean.**

I didn't have to wait very long for a reply, but what I found was something I could have lived without. 

**From: Marco**

**Hi Jean, I'm dad.**

Jesus Christ Marco, so you're  _THAT_  kind of texter.

**To: Marco**

**WOW. arent u just soooo clever.**

 

**From: Marco**

**hehe x) I know~**

This guy is too bubbly for my tastes. 

**To: Marco**

**ur such a meme.**

 

**From: Marco**

**WOW. RUDE.**

I snickered to myself. 

**To: Marco**

**hehe x)**

**Hey, so anyway, whats your address?**

 

**From: Marco**

**OH YAH. I live in the Trost apartment complex down the road from the church. Appt. number 163.**

 

**To: Marco**

**Thx. Oh yeah, and Marco?**

 

**From: Marco**

**Hmm?**

 

**To: Marco**

**Welcome To The Ward.**

I smiled to myself as I turned my phone off for the night.

Marco...What kind of person are you? 

 


	2. The Coffee Calls My Name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is mention of implied suicide in this chapter so be warned.
> 
> UPDATE:  
> I added an ending part to this so please re-read if you haven't already!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i aM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO UPLOAD  
> Im going to try to be more frequent with my updates, at LEAST once a month.  
> here's my tumblr:  
> http://velociraptorexx.tumblr.com/
> 
> and I hope you enjoy this chapter!! Please let me know what you think!~ <3

 As fun as it is being out of the hospital,  _something_ inside me decides it misses the uncomfortable aroma of death in my senses at least once a year. Yeah- that "once a year" just so happened to be tonight. 

 So here I am now, 3 am, worried parents in the lobby of the ER, and I'm laying pretty much naked on a cold cat-scan machine. I can hear them from outside the machine, talking amongst themselves, conversations of such everyday things while a sickly 16 year old lays on the machine that decides where my death bed is. It felt like  _years_ before I was out of there, but by 5 am they had moved me to a bed. my parents were allowed into the room about 30 minutes in, I was too tired to stay awake though.

 I don't usually have dreams about people I've just met, but Marco was there this time. No important roles, but I recognized him from the sea of back-round characters in my mind. I was in a coffee shop, sitting across from a girl with long black hair and a red rope hanging from the ceiling loosened in a nuece around her neck. The people in the shop were all people I knew, but i recognized very few; Armin on the sofa facing the door with Eren, Bertholdt was ordering something, Connie, Sasha and Annie were all sitting with Marco. The girl in front of me was smiling, but I could only stare at her wide-eyed. She wasn't dead, or at least she didn't look like it. "Mikasa?" a voice called from behind the coffee counter and I turned to see who. The barista at the counter was in all black robes, you couldn't even see their face. 'Mikasa' stood up from my perifrial vision, when I looked next she was on the chair. She looked at me expectantly, and shot a smile. "Bye." she chimed, and when I realized what was going on, my eyes widened, I tried to move to stop her, but no luck. And before I knew it, I was screaming and she had kicked the chair out from under her. My scream had turned the attention to me, but the only eyes I met were Marcos'. He smiled cheerfully, and I woke up crying. 

 

* * *

  "Jean?" my dad called suspiciously as he twirled his pasta onto his fork, "You haven't eaten anything. And this is your favorite restaurant too, is something wrong?"

   I looked up from my meal, Tortellini, my favorite. "Yeah," I said cautiously, "Just a little distracted."

  The hospital had let me out the next morning without any new change in my condition. That's how it was every time though, no change, no updates, just the usual "Yes you're son is dying but not any faster than the last check up." line and a kind farewell from the nurses at the front. The dream haunted me more than the trip, I couldn't get the idea of the normalcy of it all out of my head. I know it's just a dream, but I couldn't believe I was still getting dreams about her, it's been like 5 years, this shouldn't be happening any more. 

  My mom and dad started talking about the upcoming state election, and I forced myself to eat. 

* * *

 

  The rest of the week passed by slowly. The most exciting event of the week continued to be my dream, well, that and the half-dead bird my cat brought me as a present. I hadn't gotten any texts from anyone, let alone Marco, since the last meeting. But it didn't really matter seeing as I would see them all again today anyways. I got up around 11 am, took a shower and stood in front of the closet for  _maybe_ a good 3 hours. I went through outfit after outfit trying to look perfect. In the end I settled on a pair of blue jean, my comfort yellow crew neck, a light black cardigan and rolled the sleeves up to my elbows. I rolled up my jeans to about mid-calf and put on my pair of 'Jesus sandals', by then it was 6:20 pm. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, and grabbed my essentials before going downstairs and saying bye to my mother. She sent em a 'Have fun sweetie!' and with that I was off. 

  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't at least a little nervous. Why I was though, I didn't know, well, I had an idea. I don't usually care about meeting new people, but with him, I wanted to make a good impression. I rolled into the apartment center on the dot, quickly finding his. It wasn't hard though, seeing as there were balloons tied to the street post just outside his apartment. I smiled, at least he has some innocence.

I walked to the door and knocked, when the door opened i was greeted by two things. 

1\. An overly excited golden retriever jumping on me and nearly knocking me to the ground.

and 

2\. An overly worried Marco, frantically trying to single handedly get the dog off of me.

"Oh no Jean I'm so sorry!" Marco squirmed, "Erwin get off of him!" he said harshly, finally getting the dog to back off before I got another layer of dog slobber on my face. I laughed it off, "You're dog seems nice." 

"Oh he's not mine, he's my neighbors, Mike. His wife Nanaba is out of town and He's so busy with work, so he asked me to watch him. I smiled and stood up, "Please come in, most everyone is here already, so make yourself at home." he beamed and I did as he asked.

The place was cozy looking, nothing spectacular, but nice kind of like a _well-taken-care-of_ dorm. Marco showed me around his home, the kitchen was spotless, and the living room was crowded with cancer kids. I said my hellos and followed Marco through the house.

"And this is my room." he said, leading me through the back hallway. His door was covered in posters of bands I had never even heard of before. He opened the door and showed me the rest. his walls were painted a dark navy blue, a twin sized bed was pushed against wall by the window, decorated neatly by a pinstripe white and dark-blue comforter to match with a black cat laying comfortably by the base of his pillows. He had what looked like a mountain of pillows on his bed, 6 maybe 7, all different shades of yellow and blue. He had decorations of those hipster looking anchors across his pillow covers. Band posters covered the walls and those twinkly light things rimmed the perimeter of the room all of them lit up, giving the room a nice glow.  He had a dresser a long the far wall by the head of his bed, the top was covered with photos of family and friends, knick-knacks. 

"When the doctors thought I had cancer, my parents threw a party and had all my friends come over before my checkup to discuss the results from tests. They brought gifts and we took all kinds of photos together." he sighed and then looked at me, "It was nice." I looked at him for a moment, 

"My folks never did anything like that, it's not that they wouldn't have.." I explained then touched on the cloth over my heart, "...didn't have time." 

Marco gave me a look of sympathy before resting. I met his eyes reluctantly, and we watched each other for a while. I studied his face, looking over the freckles lied out across his cheeks. His smile had dropped and he looked concerned. I hadn't even noticed how nice he looked today, he wore a blue button up tucked into black jean with blue converse. Simple, but..nice. His hair was wavy today, obviously brushed but not styled, so his bangs curled in at the center. Basically what I'm trying to get at is that he looked  _really_   nice. Like, wow, and I hadn't even noticed a thing, especially not how close we had gotten to eACH OTHER OH GOD. Our noses were practically touching, our lips centimeters apart and I hadn't even noticed. Oh God, OhGodOhGodOhGodOhGod what do I dO. My eyes alternated between his eyes and his lips, I was blushing furiously, 'Marco..." I breathed "I-" 

"Hey Marco we're about to start todays meeting cmon-" Eren walked in, pushing the door open as Marco and I separated quickly, blushing HARD and refusing to meet eye contact. 

Erens focus shifted between the two of us, Marco said something about being there soon, but I didn't hear. I was too busy trying to keep my heart where it was, and not up my throat. Eren looked at us questionably before shrugging and turning around, his job being done. It took me a moment before I could look over to Marco again. He was adjusting his prosthetic, before he met my gaze sheepishly, blushing and doing his best to look past me and not at me.

"I... we should get to the um, the g-group." he stuttered, looking away and heading to the door. 

I blinked owlishly a few times, then widened my eyes in recognition, "Oh! Y-yeah." I followed him to the living room where everyone was sitting. 

We didn't sit together this time, and the meeting went on as usual.

* * *

 

  Marco's mother, Jinae Bodt, so she told us, returned home around 7:30, announcing she had dinner plans for lasagna. That being said, Petra wrapped up the meeting shortly after that, requesting that we help Mrs. Bodt with whatever our bodies can handle efficiently and safely. Annie and Armin ended up folding napkins and setting placemats. Sasha and Connie were in charge of seating areas, while Eren, Marco and Bertholdt were sent to get ingredients Jinae had forgotten at the store. This left myself, Jinae and Ymir to the kitchen, while Petra drove Marco and them to the store. Ymir  _was_ helping cut the veggies, but then Christa showed up for her check-up, and had to take a break. Leaving Jinae and I to the kitchen.

I was in charge of flattening out the section of pasta dough for the meal, while Jinae was working on the meat. I had been doing my job for about 15 minutes before Jinae broke the silence.

"You're Jean, correct?" she asked simply.

I gave her a small smile, "Yes Ma'am."

"And you have?" she asked calmly.

It took me a moment to register what she was asking, but once I realized, I answered awkwardly. "Heart Cancer, Ma'am." 

Jinae tightened her long ponytail and fixed her apron before glancing my way with a smile.

"Marco's told me a lot about you," She chimed, "You're rather interesting boy according to him." 

I laughed awkwardly, "I'm hardly a boy, don't you think?" 

"Strong boys don't equal men, Jean." she smiled, sauteing the meat on the stove,

I looked away and pulled a sheet of dough through, setting it to the side. 

"Does Marco interest you, Jean?" she asked honestly.

"Well.. what kind of interest are you getting at?" I laughed lightly. It was strange, Jinae's presence wasn't the least bit hostile more than it was.. intimidating. I didn't quite understand where she was getting at with all the questions... but who am I to ignore them?

"My son's sexuality is no mystery to me, Jean. Nor is it an issue." she smiled again, "He's always been happy to make new friends, but he's never been so excited to tell me about them like he has with you.. spent a whole two hours just deciding what to wear!" she chuckled to herself. "He kept asking me, 'Mom! Blue..or Purple?' I'd never seen him so nervous!" she laughed again, stirring the meat again. 

I smiled brightly, laughing alongside her. "You could say I have an interest in him as well.." I said awkwardly, blushing lightly and pulling through another sheet of dough as Ymir returned to the kitchen, Christa beside her. Jinae smiled at me brightly, before turning to greet Christa, who offered to help Ymir with the vegetables. Jinae acceted her help happily, turning back to her work. I smiled to myself and blushed a little brighter, continuing my work. 

When Marco returned with other ingredients, Jinae had me switch out with Eren, telling me to go relax in the living room with Marco. We sat awkwardly on the sofa together for about 5 minutes before Marco spoke up.

"Look Jean.. about earlier-" he began but I cut him off.

"-I want to." I deadpanned, blushing awkwardly, "I-I don't know much about you, Marco. But you're very interesting to me. And.. I'd like to know more."

Marco sat stiff, blushing lightly across his cheeks. I looked at him determinedly, a bit nervous of his reply. After all, it all seems kind of rushed. My mind was racing through all sorts of ideas and questions.

Do I find Marco interesting?  _Yes._

Do I want to hang out with him?  _Yes._

Am I, Jean Kirschtien, a bisexual male, a little bit gay for Marco Bodt, the guy I almost kissed earlier even though I've only known him for a week?  _Maybe._

Am I rushing this? _No?? okay maybe but Marco's really hot and I'm not risking shit. I mean come on have you seen him?  
_

"Okay." Marco answered calmly after a few moments, smiling wide. 

I smiled happily in return.

* * *

 

The rest of the visit was nice, awkward conversation turned into honest curiosity. A lot of the conversation revolved around Marco and his mother. At one point, Marco and Annie had gotten into a conversation about their similar medical issues, such as how hard it was to find the right medicine for their cancer, how long the physical rehabs took and how terrible the food was there. It was like we'd all known each other forever, even though last week, I couldn't stand half the people here. Well, I still can't, but it's a little easier to give them all a little more sympathy. After all, we're just a bunch of kids. 

 I left sometime around 8:15, after helping clean up with a few of the others. I said my goodbyes and Petra confirmed the next meeting would be in the same place as always. I grabbed the things I had brought, said my goodbyes along with my thanks to Jinae, whom in turn pulled me into a hug. I was a little disorientated at first, but warmed up quickly. Marco walked me to my car, nothing special really, I'm sure he's just making sure I'm not jumped outside his doorstep. 

"This was really fun." I smiled to him, unlocking my door and setting my stuff inside. 

"Yeah, it was a nice change to have people over again." he smiled as I closed my door, leaning against it. 

"So, what were those band posters on your wall? I didn't recognize any of them." I asked.

"Huh? Oh! Those weren't band posters! Those were posters of my favorite EDM artists! A lot of them have been on tour together, I get a poster every time I go to one of the concerts. I've even gotten to meet a few of them! You know, aha.. cancer perks." He shrugged sheepishly at the last part, but I only smiled. 

"You'll have to show me sometime." I suggested.

"This weekend sound good for you?" Marco smiled, and I nodded in response. I waved goodbye to Jinae, and gave Marco another smile before getting into the car.

My smile didn't fade until I was home and in bed again. You'd think I'd have better dreams without the intimidating presence of the hospital, right? Wrong. 

That night I dreamt of the same coffee shop. Same people, same atmosphere, same girl.  

We sat across from each other quietly as she took a sip of her coffee. Bertholdt finished making his order, and made his way to sit down with Armin and Eren. I looked at the girl across from me, but nothing came out. I know it was the same girl, but I just couldn't remember her name this time around. She looked so familiar, her presence was so happy yet her smile was so... sad. I opened my mouth to speak to her but, nothing came out. My attention was grabbed before I could succeed in any conversation. 

"Jean?" a voice called, and I looked over to see the barista calling me. I glanced back to the girl, who encouraged me to go. I turned and got up from my chair, standing up reluctantly before carefully walking to the counter. I looked around, at Eren and Armin, whom had taken my spot at the girls table, and pulled up another chair for Armin. Bertholdt was with Annie now, at the couch, and to my surprise, she didn't have her wheel chair. The two were laughing about something, and Annie nudged Bertholdt with her leg playfully. Sasha and Connie were at Marco's side now, who had his head in his hands, tears falling through the crevices of his fingers, sobbing. I looked back to the barista, whom I now recognized.

_Death._

I felt a tug at my heart, then utter and uncontrollable pain. I grasped at my shirt tightly, pulling at the cloth as I struggled to stand. I slumped to my knees, I was so scared. Looking around the shop, Marco is still sobbing, comforted by Sasha and Connie. He's assuring he's alright, but it's evident he isn't. My chest ached, and It was hard to breathe. 'This isn't real',I thought, 'It can't be happening.' I opened my mouth to call for help, but nothing came out. I could feel myself slipping, the pain dulling and my breathing just... stopped. I wasn't dead, but I didn't feel alive. I was so scared, and everyone else just carried on. Marco looked tired, his eyes red and puffy. My vision blurred, but I saw him give a wavy smile before I blacked out.

My eyes ripped open as I awoke with a gasp. I clutched at my heart and tears welled my eyes. My arms worked for themselves as I searched for my cell, dialing Marcos number and holding the phone to my ears. The tone rang three times before the line picked up.

"Jean?" I heard Marco mumble sleepily, "It's like four in the morning, is something wrong?" he yawned. 

I held back tears as I heard his voice, clear, though sleepy, perfectly fine. 

I heard the bed squeek from the other line and I swallowed hard.

"Sorry, I just-" I muttered, "I needed to make sure you were okay." I took a shaky breath, and tried to calm myself.

"Jean?" he called, more alert now. "Jean what's wrong." he demanded.

"Just a bad dream.." I said drearily, I don't even know why I called him of all people. I could've called Eren, he would've understood. I may not like him but.. he was involved when she died too. It's not like he hasn't had these dreams. I breathed in again, "Just.. remembering bad memories. Sorry if I bothered you." 

Marco was silent for a while. "Do you want to facetime Jean?" 

The question caught me by surprise, "What?" but before I knew it, the call had switched to a facetime request, I scrambled for the light beside my bed and turned it on, quickly accepting the request. Sure enough, a tiny Marco popped up on my screen, tired and probably half-asleep, looking impossibly adorable for four in the morning. He looked dead into the camera, "See? I'm okay." he said sightly.

It was true, he had no tear stains, no puffy and red eyes. I sighed, running my hand over my face, "Thanks Marco."

He smiled at that, blinking heavily, "Anytime." He asked me again if I was okay, I told him I would be and that seemed to satisfy him for now.

I smiled and he hung up. I yawned, turning off my light and turning back to my side, cuddling my long pillow. I did my best to forget the nightmare, and when I fell asleep again, I didn't dream of anything. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> WElp. here it is~ a taste of whats to come.  
> Let me know what you guys think and if I should continue or nah~  
> Peace <3


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